Anger

Today is my dad's birthday. I had a plan. I was going to work, and then head down there and surprise him. But at 4:02am, my neighbor decided to turn his music up all the way. I texted them 4 times and finally called the police. The police never came and they didn't turn off the music until 6:00am. Then I couldn't sleep. I was up for 2.5 hours in a night, and if you know me, I'm a sleeper. I depend on sleep and I go to bed early and I never get up in the night.
It was the worst 2.5 hours. See, I'm angry about a lot of things. I overstepped some boundaries with my crush Monday night, because it was my birthday and I was drunk. Wednesday I had my eval at work and my boss is horrible and I wanted to die or quit. But instead I had to go back into the classroom and pretend like everything was normal. I hate suppressing my emotions. Then at the same time, I am angry because my landlady sold this house. If she had told me that the house was on the market, I wouldn't have moved in.

I fucking love this house. It's mine. All by myself. Except for the douchebags next door. But I have a skylight over my bed. I love my skylight. I just fucking want my skylight. And my room. And the triangular step to the living room or bathroom. And my washing machine. And my wooden wall. I just don't want to move again.

I missed work today. I had an important meeting with a non-English speaking family, and one of my kids is moving to Guam, today was her last day. Not to mention it was my planning day, and after the crappy eval I had, I really needed that time to get my shit together.

But I'm fighting off illness and so tired. I just couldn't go. I barely got out of bed today. I'm so angry and they are trying to kiss my ass. I want them gone. And they just informed me that my noise complaint never stuck and the police never came, so they got away with it.

Maybe deep down, I didn't want to go to work anyway. Maybe I wanted to stay home and cry.