Yesterday morning I brought a hairdryer into my room in an attempt to melt the snow on my skylight from underneath so that I could see the tree again. But it's been snowing and freezing rain for so long, it's no use. Although this morning I can see a little bit of the tree, and that makes me happy.
Yesterday I learned that I love the snow. And I proved it by inviting my crush to hike the butte with me in the snow. I've always wanted to and I know that he loves the snow and the butte, so it only seemed right. He asked if he could invite his roommate. They live in a house with a couple that is bringing everyone (even themselves) down. And I know that she likes to get out too. So despite every burning ounce of jealousy and mean, I had to remind myself that I'm not that girl. I've been that girl. And it only ends up hurting me. They're friends. And if they're more than friends, then I'm just lucky to have my crush as a friend also. It's not a race to win people. It's an adventurous afternoon on a snowy mountain. The more, the merrier. He even gave me outs. "Be honest." "It's ok if you don't." But I did. It was the first time I had met one of his close friends. I wanted it.
Turns out, she's exactly as he said, "a swell lady." I like her. Why are girls meant to see each other as competitors? Why did it take me 30 years and 3 failed relationships to learn that jealous isn't healthy for anyone? I'm going to give myself a pass on the 3rd relationship though. He wanted to sleep with both of us, and I'm not into that. I have taken my failures and spun them as tales of win for myself. How did this make me a better person? How have I learned and moved forward?
Today, I still have me. I'm not the girl I was when I was 15, or 21, or 27. I've grown.
And hiking the butte in the snow is one of my favorite accomplishments to this day.
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